


breathtaking in the rhythm

by threeonelead (Pbgrpy)



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Colorado Rockies, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, but in the past, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24818788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pbgrpy/pseuds/threeonelead
Summary: Trevor transfers to El Toro High School after a pretty bad year back in Texas. He finds support, friendship, and maybe a little more than that.
Relationships: Nolan Arenado/Trevor Story
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	breathtaking in the rhythm

**Author's Note:**

> This story is about fictional characters and not real people. If I need to add anything to the tags let me know. Title from [Shadow](https://youtu.be/lUS74hctjZg) by TWICE.

Trevor doesn't want to be here. Here, as in Orange County, California at a massive high school where he knows no one. Here, as in his last class of the day, Personal Fitness, that he's required to take so he has a chance at finishing all his graduation requirements. Here, as in sitting on a mat in the sweat-scented weight room, deeply regretting the amount of knee movement he's done in the past hour.

The weight room's been empty for five minutes now, and his knees are throbbing. Turning to sit facing the mirrors, Trevor checks again that nobody's in the room before rolling up his pant legs. The skin around his left scar is inflamed, swollen and red. His skin feels stretched taut and maddeningly itchy and there's an uneasy ache in both joints. He's dreading standing up again, let alone walking home.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Nolan is walking back to the locker room after working out with a couple of his baseball teammates in the weight room when he realizes he forgot his headphones. When he pushes open the weight room door, expecting it to be empty, he sees a boy sitting on a mat facing the wall mirror. Nolan makes his way to the machine he was using and grabs his headphones off the floor. Something makes him pause and walk up to the boy, who looks like he's staring at his own legs- as he gets closer, Nolan sees exactly what he's looking at. Nolan recognizes the scar on his right knee as an ACL surgery scar, but the scar on his other knee is thick and dark, a diagonal slash across the kneecap winding around the back of his knee. His own knee twinges in sympathy.

"What happened, dude?" he blurts out before he can stop himself, stopping a few feet away from the boy. 

He startles, flicking his eyes up to meet Nolan's in the mirror. "Long story," he says after a pause, moving to roll his pant legs down to cover the scars. His face crumples in pain as he bends his knee to get ready to stand.

"Hey, wait." Nolan puts a hand on the boy's other leg without thinking. "Let me help." He stands, holding out his hands to help the boy stand up. He grabs Nolan's hands after a beat, and Nolan hauls him upright. They end up standing in front of the mirror, only a breath apart.

The boy's eyes are bright blue and he's gripping Nolan's hands hard. "I'm Nolan," Nolan offers.

The boy's eyes widen. "I'm Trevor," he says, lessening the pressure on Nolan's hands and gently letting his hands drop.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor skips Thursday's personal fitness class. He's outside the locker room, contemplating skipping the next one too when he sees the guy from last week- Nolan- and his friends heading to the weight room, all wearing El Toro High School baseball shirts. 

After his workout, Trevor stays in the weight room a little after the bell rings to finish stretching, making it a point to be gentle so he won't have to limp home like he did last time. 

"Hey," he hears a voice behind him and startles, flicking his eyes up to the mirror to see that it's Nolan, again.

"Oh shit, I didn't mean to scare you again." Nolan's eyes widen. "Can I stretch with you?"

"Me?" Trevor says. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course," Nolan nods, "but no pressure or anything-"

"No, sure," Trevor mumbles, gesturing to the space next to him in front of the mirror.

They stretch in silence until Nolan interrupts. "Are you rehabbing your knees?" he blurts out, like he'd been trying to restrain himself. "Not that it's my business-"

"It's fine," Trevor says, lying back against the mat and pulling a knee gently up to his chest. He pauses to figure out how to explain it. "I used to play football back at my old school in Texas," he begins, "which is how I blew out my ACL. I was able to rehab that for a few months, but then... I got the other knee injury, which was... bad. I haven't done anything really athletic for a while."

"Wow," is all Nolan says, and Trevor can feel himself relax when it's clear Nolan isn't going to press for details. 

"The trainer here actually said I could start running in a couple weeks," Trevor says after a little bit, emboldened by discussing his injuries with someone new for the first time. "I have to find some good running routes since I hate treadmills."

Nolan laughs, bright and open, flashing his perfect teeth. "Do you want to run with me? I know the area pretty well."

Trevor's shocked that Nolan's staying to talk to him for so long, let alone asking him if he wants to go running together. "I would slow you down," he says cautiously, "plus I'm not in shape."

Nolan brushes his concerns aside. "I'm okay with going slow."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Nolan spreads out on the artificial turf, closing his eyes against the cool breeze and mild sun. He'd texted with Trevor the night about going running today and told him to meet him on the school turf. Trevor had responded affirmatively, but Nolan's still only 60% sure he's going to show up. He can't get Trevor's eyes out of his mind, the way they look like they haven't smiled in months.

"Hey. I'm here."

Nolan slowly opens his eyes and gets to his feet. "Didn't think you'd show up, Friday Night Lights."

Trevor's eyes widen with a surprised laugh. "I gave you 15 minutes to wait here and come up with a good nickname and that's the best you can do?"

Seeing Trevor laugh for the first time tickles something in Nolan's chest. "Hey, it's a good show," Nolan says, unable to stop his wide smile, "Take it as a compliment."

They warm up and stretch out, shaking off the lingering cold from the night. Nolan takes Trevor on the flattest route he knows, from the bike path through a few neighborhoods and to the big meadow near the elementary school, where they stop to rest Trevor's knees.

Nolan's able to squeeze a couple smiles out of Trevor on the jog back to the high school, which leaves him more satisfied than any workout could.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor meets up with Nolan again the next Saturday, and the next one, and then Nolan asks if he's also free on Wednesdays after school because baseball practice doesn't start until 5. They end up spending all of Trevor's personal fitness periods together, Nolan watching Trevor carefully as he moves through his range of motion exercises and starts using weights. Suddenly Trevor's seeing Nolan every day, trying his best not to laugh at Nolan's dumb jokes and feeling more normal than he has in a while.

Nolan's the first person since the accident who's taken his injuries in stride and helped Trevor feel like he's going to get better, in a way Trevor's old friends in Irving can't. The few times he's tried to video chat with them have been loaded, the accident clearly weighing on everyone's minds, and Trevor's ended all the calls early when the unspoken words became too much.

An unintended side effect of spending so much time with Nolan is Trevor's absorption into Nolan's friend group. Nolan's a senior, but a lot of his friends on the team are juniors like Trevor. Nolan invites Trevor to sit with his friends at lunch one day, introduces him to everyone, and before he knows it he's talking with them about the Lakers and which players to choose for fantasy. 

Most of the guys Nolan hangs out with are on the baseball team, and while Trevor is wary of falling too deep into a team considering what happened last year, he appreciates that he has Carlos to walk with him to his classes, and Charlie to text about a confusing problem on the trig homework. He works out with David and Ryan and Kyle during personal fitness and eats lunch with them after English. The voice in his head telling him that they don't really like him and they won't hesitate to drop him once they realize he's not interesting is loud at first, but eventually he has to admit it's pretty nice to have people to be around. The voice gets quieter.

Trevor and Nolan are lying on their backs in the park near Trevor's house. Nolan gets up after a little bit to help Trevor stretch out his aching legs when he asks.

"What exactly happened to this knee?" Nolan says, while he's perched over Trevor, pushing Trevor's bent left knee to his chest. "Just the scar is so much bigger than the other one and it seems really stiff still."

Trevor doesn't answer right away. He thinks Nolan might be getting used to his evasiveness because he doesn't press, just helps him straighten out his left leg to get a full hamstring stretch. He's never actually had to explain what happened to another person before; everyone back in Irving had seen the videos and spread the word. 

He takes a deep breath and tells Nolan everything. How after his ACL tear, he felt so disconnected and friendless since he essentially wasn't part of the team anymore. How he tried to overcompensate by going to all the football parties, drinking too much and being too loud, trying to drown out the voice saying that all his friends would forget him and he would be left alone. How one night, he got blackout drunk and convinced a few teammates to climb the water tower. The rickety ladder they were climbing gave out, and they fell- two walked away fine, one broke his arm, and Trevor landed badly on his leg, tearing ligaments and tendons, damaging blood vessels and nerves, breaking bone.

The months after the accident were so lonely, people whispering about him in the halls, his teammates icing him out since their star running back had to miss six weeks because of his arm fracture, and worst of all the crushing guilt of knowing he deserved all of it because he couldn't handle his loneliness and insecurities.

Trevor can't make eye contact with Nolan after he's done, folding his arms over his face and waiting to hear what Nolan will say. He's surprised when Nolan pulls him up off the ground and into his arms. Trevor feels himself melt, sinking his face into Nolan's shoulder.

"It's not your fault," Nolan murmurs, and Trevor feels tears rush to his eyes.

"It is," he whispers, "I couldn't handle it-"

"You went through something," Nolan says, "you needed someone to talk to and your friends weren't there for you-"

Trevor feels tears slip down his face and soak into Nolan's shirt and has to pull away before he really starts sobbing. Nolan lets him go, and the warmth in his eyes makes Trevor choke up again.

"Thank you," Trevor says eventually, when he feels like he can talk again.

They stay sitting on the grass, arms and legs splayed out, watching the setting sun paint the sky in orange and pink.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Nolan's fielding grounders on a hot Saturday afternoon. His brothers get tired of hitting to him in a couple of hours, so Nolan texts Trevor. Trevor gets there in half an hour and proves to be surprisingly adept at challenging Nolan, sending him grounders that bounce and spin, making him charge in towards the ball and dive in the dirt.

"You ever play baseball?" Nolan asks him when they're drinking water in the shade. 

Trevor nods solemnly. "5 years of little league until I realized it was boring as hell."

Nolan flicks water at Trevor, mock offended. Trevor's just now started to show his brash side and Nolan feels unspeakably happy that Trevor's comfortable around him.

They're able to get another hour in before it starts to get dark and Nolan calls his older brother to pick them up. Trevor's looking at Nolan with an unreadable expression.

"What?"

"Why-" Trevor breaks off, looks up at the pink-streaked sky. "Why did you make all this effort to get to know me?"

Nolan gapes at him, not knowing how to answer. "I don't know, why does anyone get to know anyone?"

Trevor shakes his head. "Why did you keep running with me when I couldn't keep up? Why are you spending all this time on me?"

Nolan considers. "Maybe because... I feel like I have to be a certain person for my family and friends. Like I'm going to be a MLB draft pick in a few months. I'm the baseball star, and the happy, funny guy for my team." He sighs and digs the toe of his slides into the dirt. "Sometimes I want to get away from that. Like, you probably wouldn't judge me if I told you-"

They're interrupted by Nolan's brother pulling into the parking lot. Nolan cuts himself off abruptly, heart pounding when he realizes he was about to tell Trevor something that he hadn't even fully admitted to himself. Trevor's clearly curious, but thankfully he doesn't press as they dump Nolan's bags into the trunk and slide into the backseat.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Nolan's secret is driving Trevor up the wall. He feels like their dynamic has been unbalanced since Trevor dumped his life story onto Nolan. Trevor knows Nolan, his humor and his politics and how he treats others, but he wants more. What Nolan thinks about before he goes to sleep, his fears and regrets and hopes. He wants to support Nolan the same way that Nolan's supported him. 

A week goes by and Nolan doesn't mention anything, though he does ask Trevor to come to his cousin's wedding the following Saturday: "I usually bring Charlie but his mullet's gotten really long and my mom doesn't think it'll look good in the photos."

So Trevor finds himself in a borrowed blazer and tie sitting in a plastic folding chair next to Nolan surrounded by literally hundreds of Nolan's family members. After the ceremony, Nolan gets ambushed by a few aunts. He shoots an apologetic glance at Trevor. "Josh is over by the food if you want to hang out with him, should be more fun than meeting a bunch of strangers," Nolan says as he's dragged away.

Trevor's relieved he doesn't have to struggle through introductions to Nolan's extended family trying not to make a fool of himself. He and Josh end up playing catch with a bunch of little Arenado cousins. Trevor's so busy trying to detach two little ones clinging to his legs that he doesn't notice Nolan coming over to help. Together, they convince the kids to go ask their aunts when the ice cream is being served, which works like a dream. After they leave, though, Trevor notices the tension in Nolan's shoulders, Nolan's usual smile little strained.

"What's wrong?"

Nolan shakes his head. "Nothing, just a lot of family-" and then he's dragged away again, by an uncle who wants to talk baseball with him.

The sun has just dipped below the horizon, which means the real party has started and will probably continue for hours into the night. Trevor leaves Josh to the dance floor and decides to go find Nolan. He's not in the main hall or outside where the wedding was held. Trevor follows a path around the house and finds himself in a small garden, lush with spring flowers, with Nolan sitting hunched over on a low stone bench. Trevor sits next to him and waits to see if Nolan wants to talk.

"What's wrong, Nolan-"

"I need to tell you something-" They start at the same time.

"You go," Trevor says.

"I don't want to get drafted in June," Nolan says, the words coming in a rush. "I know I'm going to go second or third round and I know they're going to give me half a million dollars but I don't think I can do it-" Nolan cuts off, dropping his face into his hands.

Trevor puts his arm around Nolan's shoulders, speechless. Even before he really knew Nolan, Trevor was aware that he was the guy who was going to get drafted this year and go play pro baseball. As Trevor spent more time with Nolan and his teammates it became even more of a given that Nolan was excited to go pro. And how could he not be, with that bat and that power and that arm and that quick, capable glove.

"I'm not saying I don't want to play pro baseball, because I do. I just don't want my whole life to be getting paid millions to take a charter jet around the country to swing a bat and stay in fancy hotels and get cameras stuck in my face." Nolan laughs. "God, I sound like such an asshole. Tell me to just suck it up and go play."

"You don't have to play even if you are drafted," Trevor says hesitantly. 

But Nolan's prepared for that. "Kids _dream_ of being able to play baseball for a living, Trevor. I have the physical skills and the opportunity to do that. How could I not? I get a signing bonus of at least 500 k guaranteed. I don't have to slog through school and worry about money and how I'm going to take care of my family. My parents have put so much time and money into baseball for me. I must be really fucking entitled to think I can walk away from this."

Nolan's eyes are shining with tears. Trevor feels a sympathetic lump rise up in the back of his own throat. "Do you want to take your Arizona State scholarship?"

"I think so," Nolan says, "and yes, I could get drafted again after college, but I could also destroy my elbows or knees and have a million surgeries and student loans and never play baseball again." Nolan seems to realize who he's talking to. "Sorry."

"Take it from me, destroying your knees isn't the end of the world." Trevor gives Nolan a wry smile. "But seriously. You could get injured badly enough to end your career in the minors without even setting foot in a major league stadium. Anything can happen." Trevor takes a deep breath. "Like for me. My coach was pretty sure I was going to get a football scholarship."

Nolan's eyes widen. "Trevor, I'm sorry."

Trevor shakes his head. "It's okay. I mean it was hard on my parents at first. My point is that nothing is for sure. I don't want to tell you to go to school or sign your contract when you get drafted because there's shit that could go wrong with both of those. But you can't lock yourself into years of something you're not sure you want to do just because you're scared of something that might not even happen."

Nolan lets out a breath and doesn't say anything.

"Is this why you were so stressed today?" Trevor asks.

"Yeah," Nolan glances through one of the house windows where they can see his family dancing. "Ever since a couple years ago when my family realized that I have an actual shot at playing pro it's just been a given. I don't know if I could tell them now that I'm having second thoughts."

"Why would they be mad if you told them you wanted a college degree before playing baseball?"

"A lot of my family don't have college degrees," Nolan says. "I'm reducing my earning potential a ton. For my family who immigrated here it's financial security over anything else."

"Nolan, you know baseball." Trevor says, turning to face Nolan more fully. "You could be a first-round pick and take 7 years to get to the majors and only play half a season and then be out of baseball. You could also be a 14th round pick who gets to the majors fast and has a 15 year career. You could break your back in your rookie season and suddenly be really thankful you have a degree to fall back on. This stuff is out of anyone's control."

"I know," Nolan says, his voice finally breaking, and suddenly he's leaning forward, wrapping his arms around Trevor and burying his face in Trevor's shoulder. Trevor hugs him back, feeling the warmth of Nolan's body and the fear trembling through him. 

Nolan finally raises his head after a while. "Sorry for crying on you a little bit."

"This is your jacket," Trevor reminds him. "And- your family loves you. It's your life. They'll understand."

"Who knows, maybe nobody will draft me and I won't even have to make a choice."

Trevor laughs, his heart lifting at finally seeing Nolan's smile. "In your dreams."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ever since Nolan bared his soul to Trevor at his cousin's wedding, he's felt okay. Nolan still feels guilty every time his coach congratulates him on playing well for the scouts or when his brothers start a pool for which team is going to draft him. But the voice telling him that his team and friends and family are going to hate him if he tells them he wants to go to school is a little quieter. 

Things are changing with Trevor, too. When Nolan catches Trevor's eyes on him at lunch, he holds his gaze. When they're working out, Trevor lets Nolan drink out of his waterbottle with much fewer complaints than usual. Trevor doesn't even need his help stretching his legs out because his flexibility has improved so much, but he asks for it anyways and Nolan lets his hands linger on Trevor's legs. Nolan's not totally sure what's happening between them, but he's enjoying it.

The baseball team wins their last regular season game, boosting their playoff seed high enough to get two weeks off before their first elimination series. Nolan has an extra base hit and a home run, putting him in a great mood for the team party (alcohol-free and over by 10pm, they swear). 

Nolan's mom comes to pick him up from the game, and they're almost home when Nolan decides to just go for it. "Mom, what would you do if I turned down my draft contract this year and went to college instead?"

She's clearly shocked. "I thought you wanted to play, Nolan."

Nolan takes a deep breath. "I do, but I also want other things, I mean- I think it might make it easier for me after baseball if I have a degree and I can still get drafted out of college, and you never know with baseball, there aren't any guarantees with injuries and stuff..." Nolan's mother patiently waits for him to stop rambling.

"Nolan, you're going to have to talk to your father about this and I think that will be harder but you do know I will support you in anything as long as it's what you want?"

Nolan does. He throws his arms around his mom at the next stop light. "I love you."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor grabs what tastes like mango-pineapple juice in a red solo cup from the drinks table and surveys the swanky, upscale building that is the pool house of a very well-off baseball team member's parents. Trevor hasn't been to a team party because he isn't really team, but Nolan had asked him to come and reassured him that it would be okay.

He and Carlos end up playing Hawaiian Punch pong against a couple of Carlos's friends on the lacrosse team, wiping the floor with them. Trevor finally spots Nolan sitting at the edge of the pool talking to Daniel, Charlie, and a couple other teammates, feet dangling in the water. He makes his way over to the poolside and is about to sit down when he notices the nasty glare from Daniel.

"I bet it's because of him, right?" Daniel says, tone curling into hostility.

"What," Trevor asks, looking down at Nolan for help.

"Dan, shut up-" Nolan starts, but Daniel continues.

"Nolan just told us he wants to fuck around in college before getting drafted, as if there aren't ten fucking teams lined up to sign him right now, when literally any of us would kill to be in his spot right now," Daniel pushes to his feet and starts getting in Trevor's space, swaying unsteadily. Clearly, the no-drinking rule has been broken. 

"I think it's because he's spending too much time with this loser who's clinging onto us because he's too pathetic to make his own friends." Daniel cruelly smirks at the scars poking out from Trevor's shorts. "You know everyone else is better than you so you're trying to drag us down."

That hits Trevor in a sensitive place. He's made progress over the last few months, started to convince himself that he has something to offer the world. But he still feels like the wind's been knocked out of him, unwelcome tears springing to his eyes. _What if he's right?_

While Trevor's frozen, Nolan gets to his feet and pulls Daniel out of Trevor's space. Trevor takes a deep breath to steel himself, pushing the cacophony of negative thoughts that's sprung up out of his mind like he's been practicing. "How about you don't speak on stuff you know nothing about," Trevor says, injecting as much ice as he can into his tone, "and start worrying about why you're so insecure that you need to get shitfaced every night to project your issues onto other people."

Daniel lunges at him, catching him in the chest, and Trevor falls backwards, suddenly surrounded by clean blue water. He's fallen in the pool. Trevor stays down for as long as he can, before he kicks to the surface to find Daniel being restrained by his teammates. 

"You're fucking embarrassing, Dan," Nolan says, "Go sleep it off."

The whole party has stopped to watch their drama, but when Daniel's dragged into the house everyone returns to their conversations. Nolan crouches down where Trevor's hanging on to the pool edge.

"You want to get out of here?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

As Nolan helps Trevor out of the pool and leads him to his car in the massive driveway of the main house, he apologizes over and over while he tries to explain to him why Daniel snapped. A couple years ago, Daniel dreamed of being a high draft pick just like Nolan, but he had to get two elbow surgeries in six months, making him too much of a question mark. It became clear just how much of his self-worth was tied to his ability to play baseball. It's hard for Daniel to see Nolan express a desire to do something other than baseball even having the right body and all the physical tools.

"But that's no excuse," Nolan fervently tries to reassure Trevor, "what he said was completely uncalled for and you have to know it's not even close to being true."

Trevor just smiles at Nolan. "I know. Or at least I'm trying to convince myself."

Nolan wonders at the change that had come over Trevor when he talked to Daniel- blue eyes ice cold and voice clipped and harsh. He's never seen Trevor like that before. They reach Nolan's car, and Nolan pulls a spare towel out of the backseat and tosses it to Trevor, who accepts it gratefully.

"I have a sweatshirt and pants," Nolan says, feeling his heart skip a beat when he turns to find Trevor with his shirt already stripped off, trying to get the chlorine water off. 

"That would be great," Trevor says, "although it's the millionth nice thing you've done for me and I feel like I'm behind trying to catch up to you."

Nolan tosses him the clothes and turns around to give him privacy. "Trevor, I'm not doing this to count good deeds, I do stuff for you because you're my friend and I want you to be happy." A little more sincerity than Nolan was going for. He clears his throat.

Trevor's done changing when Nolan turns back around, hair still wet and eyes reflecting the party lights, still holding his dripping shirt and pants. Nolan's clothes fit him well.

"My parents are out tonight," Trevor says, "Can you take me home?" Something in the tone of his voice sends a hot shiver down Nolan's spine.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor catches sight of himself in the window as he's about to pull the door handle open- wide eyes, water still dripping down his neck, wearing a sweatshirt that he's all too aware says Arenado across the back. He opens the passenger side door on an exhale and swings himself into the seat. Nolan's proximity to him in an enclosed space is making his stomach flutter in a way that it hasn't before. Trevor can't stop thinking about Nolan saying he wants Trevor to be happy.

Nolan pulls out of the driveway, singing to the radio under his breath. The bass vibrates out of the speakers, curling up Trevor's legs and into his stomach. They don't talk as Nolan drives, which doesn't help Trevor's awareness of Nolan next to him, the sense of his warmth and presence, sending heat to Trevor's ears and weakness to his fingers.

Nolan speeds up to get through the yellow light at the main intersection but has to brake as it goes red. "Sorry," Nolan murmurs as Trevor's seatbelt catches his abrupt forward motion. 

"All good," Trevor says softly, glancing at Nolan, feeling the breath leave his lungs. The streetlight washes Nolan's nose and cheekbones in orange, playing with shadows under his jaw and at his throat. Trevor can't stop his eyes from tracing the line of Nolan's arm, the swell of his bicep, the veins in his forearms, to his big hands resting on the steering wheel, fingers delicately tapping out a rhythm on the fake leather. 

Trevor sucks in a breath and tears his eyes away, trying to focus on the neon signs outside his window, but all he can see is Nolan's fingers slotted between his own, their arms brushing together. Nolan's hand on his knee, slowly moving up his thigh. His arms around Nolan's neck, fingers in his hair, lips-

"First left after the light," Trevor says to Nolan.

Nolan looks over at him with a little smile. "Don't worry, I remember."

They pull up to Trevor's house. "Thank you for the ride," Trevor says.

"No problem," Nolan says, then smiles and brushes a water droplet off Trevor's neck with his thumb.

Trevor's brain shorts out. He sits there, frozen, electric shocks radiating outward from where Nolan touched him. Nolan seems to have frozen too, his hand hovering in mid air, eyes big and dark, roving over Trevor's face.

"See you tomorrow, have a good night," Trevor finally mumbles, unbuckling his seatbelt with shaky hands and opening the door. "I mean, not tomorrow, because we don't have school, because it's the weekend, you know what I mean-" and then he's closing the door and practically sprinting up the walkway to his house. Trevor waves at Nolan a little frantically before he stumbles into the house and sits down hard on the floor. His skin is burning where Nolan's thumb rested on the side of his neck. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor doesn't see Nolan for two weeks after that. The seniors are technically out of school, so Nolan only shows up after school for baseball. The whole team is on playoffs lockdown, practicing and watching film every day. Trevor joins the team for lunch as usual on Monday, but all they can talk about is their next opponent and which pitchers they have a chance against. 

Trevor starts spending lunch in the art room which gives him time to finish up his final project, and even feels brave enough to start conversations with the art kids who hang out there every day. He's expecting Nolan to be missing from their usual weight room sessions, but Trevor misses him a lot more than he thought he would. 

He can't bring himself to text Nolan, telling himself it's because he doesn't want to distract Nolan. Trevor knows the real reason, though: he can't get the memory of Nolan inches away from him with his thumb resting on Trevor's neck out of his head.

So he texts David and Ryan instead who dutifully keep him updated; the team wins the quarterfinal, then the semifinal, and suddenly they're in the regional finals for the first time ever.

When Trevor hears that they made the finals, he opens his text conversation with Nolan and sends _congrats nolan. so happy for you_ before he can stop himself. Nolan's reply comes back almost instantly: _come to the game on Friday. our field at 6pm._

_I'll be there_ , Trevor sends with shaky fingers.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Each playoff win replaces the last one as the most exciting moment of Nolan's life, expecially when they win the semifinal and it hits Nolan that they're about to play in the regional finals for the first time in their school's history.

Half the team is celebrating on the pitcher's mound, trying to lift Kyle (who pitched a two-hit one-run complete game) onto their shoulders and spraying water on each other. In the midst of the excitement, Nolan's eyes drift to the stands, and he's surprised at the jolt of emotion that goes through him when he sees David kissing his girlfriend, who had come with her friends to watch him play. Jealousy, Nolan realizes. But why?

Josh comes over to Nolan while his eyes are still fixed on the stands. "You should have invited him to come," Josh says.

"Who?"

"Oh, you know," Josh replies vaguely, then saunters off. Nolan can't stop himself from flicking water at his retreating figure.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor finds himself digging his fingers into the bleacher seats, heart pounding as he waits for El Toro to record their last out. The pitcher winds up, the batter hits a rocket to short, and Nolan capably scoops the ball up and fires to first. Game over.

Trevor watches the team celebrate on the field. He had been worried about going to the game because he thought it would remind him too much of his own football championship days, but he's pleasantly surprised at how he just feels happy for his friends. Trevor's sliding off the bleachers, unlocking his phone to call his parents for a ride home, when he hears Nolan's voice calling for him.

He turns around to find a beaming Nolan and can't stop himself from pulling him into a hug. "Congrats, Nolan."

Nolan shuffles his feet a little when they separate. "So I know you were going to head out, but do you think you could meet me back here at 9? When everyone's gone?"

Trevor's heart jumps into his throat, partly because this is the longest conversation they've had in weeks. "Yeah I could do that."

Nolan's face lights up even more, which Trevor didn't think was possible. "Okay! See you," and he's gone with another beaming smile.

Trevor barely tastes his dinner, mind consumed with finally getting to see Nolan after an eternity. His parents let him take the car once he promises he'll bring it back without a scratch. As he pulls into the now-empty parking lot behind the school, he can feel his heart pounding. 

He spots Nolan lying on the grassy hill past the outfield fence, legs stretched out and face tilted to the sky. The calm stillness on the field is a contrast from the noise and the energy that had permeated the field only a few hours ago. A gentle breeze rustles through the grass, pleasant after the heat of the day.

When Trevor flops down on the grass next to Nolan, he realizes why Nolan's looking at the sky- it's gorgeous, no clouds to be found. There are still fewer stars than he would like, LA lights from miles away too overpowering. 

"Oh, the Big Dipper!" Trevor says excitedly.

"Hello, Trevor." Nolan's smile is devastating.

A blush rushes to Trevor's face. "Hi, Nolan."

"Which one's the Big Dipper?" Nolan asks.

So Trevor finds himself lying next to Nolan, pointing out the three stars in a near-perfect line that make up the handle and the four stars that make the spoon bowl. Nolan looks up what planets they should be able to see and they spend twenty minutes arguing whether the bright spot above the horizon is Jupiter, a cell tower, or a plane. Eventually, they give up and just take in the sky, listening to crickets celebrating summer.

Trevor has to voice a concern. "I'm not taking away your time to celebrate with the team, right?"

Nolan shakes his head. "We're having our party tomorrow at the beach. Plus we technically have more games to play against other regional winners even though nobody thinks we're going to win those." He takes a breath. "And you're the one I wanted to see tonight."

Trevor turns his head to the right and finds Nolan inches away looking back at him. He can't stop his eyes from drinking Nolan in, his warm eyes and elegant nose and patchy stubble along his jaw. Nolan's doing the same to him. Trevor's breath catches when Nolan's eyes linger on the curve of his mouth for a beat too long.

"What is this, Nolan?" Trevor whispers, almost drowned out by the wind rustling leaves above them. 

"I don't know," Nolan answers. He hesitates for a minute, then takes one of Trevor's hands in both of his. A shiver goes through Trevor at the feeling of Nolan's baseball-toughened palm against his own. Nolan smells like the soap he probably showered with after the game and Trevor's embarrassed at how much he likes it.

"You didn't text me or anything these last two weeks," Trevor says, "and I really didn't like it."

"I'm sorry," Nolan's eyes widen, "I'm so sorry, fuck, I wanted to talk to you every day but- I thought I might have made you uncomfortable in the car after the party, and I was scared..." he trails off.

Trevor wants to push Nolan, to make him say what they've both been thinking since he lied down in the grass next to Nolan. "Scared of what?"

"Scared that," Nolan takes another deep breath, "you wouldn't want me like I want you."

Trevor tries to stay cool but can feel the electric sparks in his stomach and where he's holding Nolan's hand, the hot flush on his cheeks. It's thrilling to hear Nolan say these words, knowing that he's someone who puts his own wants aside for the sake of others.

"I want to kiss you," Trevor says, the words catching in this throat. "Do you want that?"

Nolan's eyes widen in shock for only a second before he brings a hand up to Trevor's face, leaning their foreheads together. "Can I," he says, and Trevor shakes at the feeling of Nolan's breath on his lips.

"Yes," Trevor whispers, and they're kissing, Nolan's lips brushing over his own so delicately. Trevor leans forward, tracing his hand along Nolan's jawline as he brings their lips together more firmly, lights dancing behind his closed eyes as he feels starbursts of sensation at his mouth, Nolan's thumb tracing along his cheek, Nolan's warm body a few centimeters from Trevor's.

They figure it out pretty quickly, Trevor's fingers laced through Nolan's hair and Nolan's hand at the curve of Trevor's waist. Trevor can't get enough of it, chasing after Nolan's mouth and reveling in the noise that Nolan makes when their tongues slide together. Trevor pulls back to bite gently at Nolan's soft lower lip, loving the way Nolan shivers. Not to be outdone, Nolan slips his fingers underneath the hem of Trevor's tshirt, and Trevor can't stop his gasp at the feeling of Nolan's fingers on sensitive skin.

He can't tell how much time passes, five minutes or twenty minutes or an hour, Trevor's hands messing up Nolan's hair and tracing along the smooth line of his neck, while Nolan's wandering hands draw patterns on Trevor's bare skin. The heat between them builds when Trevor bites at Nolan's lip a little too hard and Nolan makes a desperate, wanting sound, when Nolan's fingers dip into Trevor's waistband and just that suggestion is enough to make Trevor feel a little more than he should while he's in public lying in an open field with his high school a few hundred feet away.

He reluctantly pulls back, unwilling to move more than a couple inches away from Nolan. They're both breathing like they just finished a workout, except Nolan's face is warm and his eyes are darker than usual and his lips are cherry red and swollen. Trevor knows he's not much better, feeling his pulse beat double time all through his body, his lips sensitive to the touch.

"You're beautiful," Nolan says, and looks surprised that he said it. 

Trevor's taken aback but feels himself blush even more, which he didn't think was possible. "You too," and he means it, the field lights casting Nolan's cheekbones in light and shadow, reflecting in his dark eyes.

Nolan props his head up on one arm and takes Trevor's hand with the other, interlacing their fingers. "I really like you."

Trevor squeezes his hand. "You're a good friend," he teases, laughing at Nolan's look of shock.

"What if I wanted to be more than friends?" Nolan says, pouting.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" Trevor asks, an inexplicable thrill running down his spine at saying the word boyfriend out loud.

"No, I meant like best friends," Nolan deadpans, and laughs when Trevor snatches his hand away and crosses his arms over his chest in mock anger.

"Sorry," Nolan says, bringing a hand up to Trevor's shoulder and gently tracing over his arm until Trevor's holding his hand again. "I do want to be your- boyfriend," he says tentatively. "I want to hold your hand and take you out on a long drive along the ocean and I want to go surfing with you and I want to do this," he leans forward and plants the softest kiss onto Trevor's mouth.

"Me too," Trevor says when they break apart, tucking his head into Nolan's shoulder.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

In the weeks following the team's championship, Trevor's life stays remarkably similar even though he's now a boy with a boyfriend. One of the notable differences is that Trevor has two texts waiting for him after math class one day reading _i know you don't have a class last period_ and _come to the beach with me_. 

Nolan must have gotten inside intel from David; their teacher is in fact absent from his last class. _okay_ , Trevor types out, and a second after the message sends Nolan replies _i'm here. back parking lot_. 

Trevor finds Nolan leaning against his brother's car in the back parking lot like he said. He scans the surroundings to make sure no other class skippers are out here before leaning in to kiss Nolan. They've made a few discoveries in the last week or so, like that being the same height makes kissing even better, and that they need to be a little more careful when they're at Nolan's house because next time his mom probably won't believe that they were "studying" with flushed faces close together on Nolan's bed.

Nolan skillfully navigates the 10 miles to the beach. Trevor has to change into gym shorts as surreptitiously as possible in the backseat after they find a spot in the parking lot, and then they're off for a long, slow beach run, the shifting sand making Trevor's calves burn. He's tried hard over the last nine months of being a California resident not to give into the idyllic SoCal sun and sand and surf fantasy, but it's difficult not to succumb a little on days like this, warm air and cloudless sky and rolling waves.

They flop down on the sand when they get tired, pulling off shoes and socks to empty them of what feels like gallons of sand. 

"So I told my dad and brothers and Josh about college," Nolan says, leaning forward to touch his toes and stretch out his legs.

"And?"

"And... it went how I expected. My brothers are confused but supportive. My dad just said 'let's wait until the draft and then make a decision,' which isn't a no."

"They care about you a lot. They'll come around," Trevor says, pulling his knee up to his chest to stretch his hamstring. He decides to add his own personal news. "I might sign up to be a student assistant for football in the fall. I miss being part of a team."

Nolan's eyes widen. "Trevor, yes, that's amazing," he says excitedly. He rolls over and puts a hand on top of Trevor's helping Trevor hold his knee tight to his chest. "Tell the kids about all that football knowledge in that big brain of yours." Nolan pauses. "There's no way for me to say this non-awkwardly, but I'm really proud of you."

Trevor releases his knee and rolls onto his side so he's facing Nolan, not caring about all the sand that's going to end up in his clothes. "Oh, I had a lot of help. There was this pretty awesome person who hung out with me and made me do all my knee stretches when I didn't want to." Nolan smiles and drops a quick kiss onto Trevor's cheek.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Trevor doesn't know what the next year or even the next month is going to be like. But lying on the beach with Nolan as they watch the waves ebb and flow, he thinks what he has might be all he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> I know close to nothing about 1) knee injuries and 2) high school baseball playoffs, so let me know if there are any egregious errors. Also the falling in the pool/driving home scene is inspired by Never Have I Ever (which I have mixed feelings towards, but still).


End file.
